我想再用中文写一下！
最近我工作比较多。。。所以我当然省了比较多的钱！但是我还没有太多的钱，我最好继续工作。。。哇~，我还买不起新车。虽然我不想买新车，我现在有的车好像几个月内报废。如果我能坐自行车去工作，坐火车跟朋友玩，等等，就一定没问题。但是，有人意外地不能来工作的时候，我需要很快去那里。而我的大多数朋友的家从火车站太远了！我不喜欢依靠朋友给我搭个车。。。没关系，我现在有车，现在有钱。十一月我去马来西亚，已经买了机票！我希望这辆车该报废之前我省很多钱。然后我能开始再旅行。下次我去旅行，我想工作一下。旅行的人常常教英文，或者在酒吧工作。有的人在青年招待所工作。
我想知道: 为了取得经验，该不该在澳大利亚找这种工作？我不知道这是否重要的。可能会有趣！
最近我发现了世界上有两种人。第一种人想了解别人，提高自己。他们觉得通过知识找到幸福。我是这样的人。我们都是互相依存的。当然我们应该互相帮助。
第二种人只想有东西，不求上进。很多这样的人非常聪明，取得成功。我不知道是否他们的东西真的让他们觉得幸福，但是我讨厌这种想法。如果你以为需要有东西让你觉得幸福，你就一直想拥有东西。如果你不能拥有想拥有的东西，你怎么办？
然后生活变成比赛而有人肯定会输。我知道大家有幸福是可能的，所以我受不了这个比赛。我们都已经有脑子。为了找到幸福，你只要脑子。当然我也想拥有东西。我希望有一天只想知识。
我的愿望就是我们都尝试互相了解，尝试互相帮助。我愿望大家关心大家的幸福。这是最嘁哩喀喳的办法！
你觉得我的愿望是不可能实现的？我知道。这是因为太多人太怕输。这是真的"irony"。
Monday, August 24, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Hasaam Cops A Fizzle
Have I mentioned that people fascinate me?
Today in the tea room at work there were 3 of us at the table. Somebody happened to notice a pile of Christian pamphletts when I sat down in front of them. On the front it didn't say much more than "Jesus something something" and it had a picture of a dove on it. We assumed a patron must have given them to another staff member, who probably brought them around back. This outraged to both of them. One of them said it was "absolutely disgusting" and the other said she would like to throw it out. "That is so offensive," was another line thrown out there. I told them not to throw them in the bin. I think the most important thing in a situation like this is the intention of the religious person - in other words, it's the thought that counts. Somebody who believes that God loves us and Jesus saves us wanted to pass on something they felt was very special, it's as simple as that. From their point of view, they were offering us the best gift of all, and they didn't even know us. Isn't that sweet? Also I just generally disagree with disrespecting any object that has value placed on it by other people, whether that's spiritual or financial, whatever.
I didn't really get a chance to say anything even remotely like any of that, though, and it probably wouldn't have gone down well. I just asked "what's wrong with it just sitting there?" and The Lady Who Picks On Me primly announced, "Religion is a matter of personal choice and we shouldn't have to put up with it being INFLICTED on us." She practically spat when she got to that word, "inflicted". I thought, holy crap it was just sitting there, you guys wouldn't have even noticed if I'd sat somewhere else! Inflicted? I mean, you could just not look at it, somebody else might appreciate the gesture, it's not like somebody was following them around demanding they convert ... =S
Why would this upset them so much?
What fascinated me further was the fact that I knew there was no way I could ask my question without my head getting bitten off. Because at some point I mentioned that I'd gone through 12 years of Catholic schooling the first lady assumed I was Catholic (which I find amusing because once a priest recommended an exorcism for me when he found out I was going to a Buddhist Temple). So she would have assumed I was being blindly defensive. The Lady Who Picks On Me had made her Big Bold Statement with such dramatic and aggressive flair that I didn't think I would get any sense out of her even if she didn't choose to get offended.
If I had asked them to justify their attitude and behaviour, I'm sure they would have become quite defensive themselves. But they really didn't make any sense to me. I genuinely just wanted to understand, but I'm sure they would have just assumed I was judging them and/or trying to change them - that's how most people seem to react. Why do people need to be so attached to their senses of self that it hinders our ability to have objective, constructive conversations? I get so confused trying not to upset people over trivial things - that's why I sometimes maybe come across as a bit of a pushover. It is near-impossible for me to predict when somebody's going to be upset over something that makes no sense to me whatsoever, and I still can't work out what's a reasonable problem at least by convention. I can't prioritise this sort of thing, it ALL seems frivolous to me.
I asked my parents about the whole thing over dinner, they thought it was fair enough (my Dad being the reason I got baptised Catholic) because people shouldn't have to be pressured or something. But, again, I totally fail to see a source of pressure in this scenario. My brother walked in at this point and goes "ohhh yeah cos THIS GUY never gets upset about ANYTHING" - I'll admit I found this frustrating because once again, it was an example of people's defensiveness totally getting in the way of my understanding. Why did he have to assume I was judging them? Why does everybody do that? I spot a failing in my ability to interact properly with another person and have figured out that the reason is because of a particullar difference between my way of thinking and theirs. Then I seek to understand it. That's just logical! I am aware that this seems like a defensive reaction in of itself, and while I love irony like that usually, it's actually a different, even better kind of irony - the fact that people keep making that assumption is yet another failure of mine to interact properly, so I will probably obsess over that too until I find a way to avoid the problem.
Anyway, my parents quickly grew weary of the topic on the grounds that I didn't need to care about every little thing, but I insisted that I had no emotional investment in this, I was just really REALLY interested because I could not understand it. They told me I didn't need to understand everything. I found that statement amusing because I didn't really understand IT, either. Then I said we didn't have to talk about it anymore, seeing as how they were clearly getting frustrated and that was just one more thing I didn't quite get xD
And that's my story. Oh by the way, does anybody want a pamphlett filled with stories about how Jesus saved various people in modern times? I've happened across a bunch somehow ...
Today in the tea room at work there were 3 of us at the table. Somebody happened to notice a pile of Christian pamphletts when I sat down in front of them. On the front it didn't say much more than "Jesus something something" and it had a picture of a dove on it. We assumed a patron must have given them to another staff member, who probably brought them around back. This outraged to both of them. One of them said it was "absolutely disgusting" and the other said she would like to throw it out. "That is so offensive," was another line thrown out there. I told them not to throw them in the bin. I think the most important thing in a situation like this is the intention of the religious person - in other words, it's the thought that counts. Somebody who believes that God loves us and Jesus saves us wanted to pass on something they felt was very special, it's as simple as that. From their point of view, they were offering us the best gift of all, and they didn't even know us. Isn't that sweet? Also I just generally disagree with disrespecting any object that has value placed on it by other people, whether that's spiritual or financial, whatever.
I didn't really get a chance to say anything even remotely like any of that, though, and it probably wouldn't have gone down well. I just asked "what's wrong with it just sitting there?" and The Lady Who Picks On Me primly announced, "Religion is a matter of personal choice and we shouldn't have to put up with it being INFLICTED on us." She practically spat when she got to that word, "inflicted". I thought, holy crap it was just sitting there, you guys wouldn't have even noticed if I'd sat somewhere else! Inflicted? I mean, you could just not look at it, somebody else might appreciate the gesture, it's not like somebody was following them around demanding they convert ... =S
Why would this upset them so much?
What fascinated me further was the fact that I knew there was no way I could ask my question without my head getting bitten off. Because at some point I mentioned that I'd gone through 12 years of Catholic schooling the first lady assumed I was Catholic (which I find amusing because once a priest recommended an exorcism for me when he found out I was going to a Buddhist Temple). So she would have assumed I was being blindly defensive. The Lady Who Picks On Me had made her Big Bold Statement with such dramatic and aggressive flair that I didn't think I would get any sense out of her even if she didn't choose to get offended.
If I had asked them to justify their attitude and behaviour, I'm sure they would have become quite defensive themselves. But they really didn't make any sense to me. I genuinely just wanted to understand, but I'm sure they would have just assumed I was judging them and/or trying to change them - that's how most people seem to react. Why do people need to be so attached to their senses of self that it hinders our ability to have objective, constructive conversations? I get so confused trying not to upset people over trivial things - that's why I sometimes maybe come across as a bit of a pushover. It is near-impossible for me to predict when somebody's going to be upset over something that makes no sense to me whatsoever, and I still can't work out what's a reasonable problem at least by convention. I can't prioritise this sort of thing, it ALL seems frivolous to me.
I asked my parents about the whole thing over dinner, they thought it was fair enough (my Dad being the reason I got baptised Catholic) because people shouldn't have to be pressured or something. But, again, I totally fail to see a source of pressure in this scenario. My brother walked in at this point and goes "ohhh yeah cos THIS GUY never gets upset about ANYTHING" - I'll admit I found this frustrating because once again, it was an example of people's defensiveness totally getting in the way of my understanding. Why did he have to assume I was judging them? Why does everybody do that? I spot a failing in my ability to interact properly with another person and have figured out that the reason is because of a particullar difference between my way of thinking and theirs. Then I seek to understand it. That's just logical! I am aware that this seems like a defensive reaction in of itself, and while I love irony like that usually, it's actually a different, even better kind of irony - the fact that people keep making that assumption is yet another failure of mine to interact properly, so I will probably obsess over that too until I find a way to avoid the problem.
Anyway, my parents quickly grew weary of the topic on the grounds that I didn't need to care about every little thing, but I insisted that I had no emotional investment in this, I was just really REALLY interested because I could not understand it. They told me I didn't need to understand everything. I found that statement amusing because I didn't really understand IT, either. Then I said we didn't have to talk about it anymore, seeing as how they were clearly getting frustrated and that was just one more thing I didn't quite get xD
And that's my story. Oh by the way, does anybody want a pamphlett filled with stories about how Jesus saved various people in modern times? I've happened across a bunch somehow ...
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
激动的哈萨姆
今天早上，我看了一份在Monash大学图书馆的工作。当然，我立刻申请了。我真的真的真的希望我得到这份工作。
因为我在Casey-Cardinia的图书馆工作大概五年，我觉得自己经验丰富，受过的训练使我能胜任这份工作。（其实这个是我在申请上填写的，我也相信是真的。）我认为我跟这份工作一定没有问题。
首先，在Monash大学图书馆那个薪水比较高，位置很好。因为我有很多在Monash的朋友，所以如果我在那里工作的话，就有很多机会遇到几个好朋友。当然，最重要的是这份工作是份全日工作。我厌倦每天等等工作打电话，讨厌浪费时间。
是理想的！
昨天晚上我约了Lily出来，他在墨尔本三四个天，我非常高兴她告诉我。我们两个爱讲故事，有奇怪朋友，问不寻常的问题。Oh, also他也爱素菜，特别喜欢豆沙 ^^ 所以，我们在日本第一次结识的时候很快交朋友。但她是阿德莱德人，所以没预料再见面她。
我们散散步大概一个半小时，终于到了唐人街。然后我们找到了一个饺子饭店。我们吃的不太好吃，但是我不介意因为也非常便宜，而且跟Lily谈谈很好玩儿。
那，现在是早上三点差一刻，我最好去睡觉吧！
因为我在Casey-Cardinia的图书馆工作大概五年，我觉得自己经验丰富，受过的训练使我能胜任这份工作。（其实这个是我在申请上填写的，我也相信是真的。）我认为我跟这份工作一定没有问题。
首先，在Monash大学图书馆那个薪水比较高，位置很好。因为我有很多在Monash的朋友，所以如果我在那里工作的话，就有很多机会遇到几个好朋友。当然，最重要的是这份工作是份全日工作。我厌倦每天等等工作打电话，讨厌浪费时间。
是理想的！
昨天晚上我约了Lily出来，他在墨尔本三四个天，我非常高兴她告诉我。我们两个爱讲故事，有奇怪朋友，问不寻常的问题。Oh, also他也爱素菜，特别喜欢豆沙 ^^ 所以，我们在日本第一次结识的时候很快交朋友。但她是阿德莱德人，所以没预料再见面她。
我们散散步大概一个半小时，终于到了唐人街。然后我们找到了一个饺子饭店。我们吃的不太好吃，但是我不介意因为也非常便宜，而且跟Lily谈谈很好玩儿。
那，现在是早上三点差一刻，我最好去睡觉吧！
Sunday, July 19, 2009
哈萨姆
我觉得我的中文还不好了。2007年我开始学，但是我相信我的水平似乎我学了一年以下。。。说不定我只是不够耐心。不管怎样，为了提高我的中文水平，重要的是不停的练习，对吧？所以我决定用中文写有的entries。有的时候我上网试试读中国人的博客。不幸，如果我不认识一个博客的作家的话，我就对那个博客没有兴趣。而且，我注意力很容易分散，最近我不知道应该做什么。
我看我的朋友。他们大多数都是天才。有的是艺术天才，有的是音乐天才，语言的天才，等等。有的人非常可爱，还是聪明，健康的。因为他们知道想做什么，不会想太多，没有我优柔。
这个entry不是关于自怜，只是我知道的。我不是天才，也不是蠢材。我当学生的时候，我不得不学习，写文章，动我的脑子想想！看来我不上课，我没有动机。为什么？我是不是因为害怕了？可能是的，我害怕很多东西。但是我不害怕失败。所以我不相信害怕让我浪费时间。现在，我既没有特别的目标，又我的生活不太固定。每天，如果我不上班，我想，"hmm,今天我做什么？"，然后平常决定上网几分钟，看我的email，等等。几分钟变成几个小时，我觉得太不好意思。因为我每天不知道是否图书馆会给我打电话求我工作，早上十点半前我只等等。最近如果我不上班，就下雨,我的车不开，我弟弟看电视（还是睡觉）。。。所以我上网。其实，我有至少一个目标：找更好的工作！哈哈。
Hmm这个entry有点乏味的。Oh well,下次我不会谈谈我sooky的事
=D
我看我的朋友。他们大多数都是天才。有的是艺术天才，有的是音乐天才，语言的天才，等等。有的人非常可爱，还是聪明，健康的。因为他们知道想做什么，不会想太多，没有我优柔。
这个entry不是关于自怜，只是我知道的。我不是天才，也不是蠢材。我当学生的时候，我不得不学习，写文章，动我的脑子想想！看来我不上课，我没有动机。为什么？我是不是因为害怕了？可能是的，我害怕很多东西。但是我不害怕失败。所以我不相信害怕让我浪费时间。现在，我既没有特别的目标，又我的生活不太固定。每天，如果我不上班，我想，"hmm,今天我做什么？"，然后平常决定上网几分钟，看我的email，等等。几分钟变成几个小时，我觉得太不好意思。因为我每天不知道是否图书馆会给我打电话求我工作，早上十点半前我只等等。最近如果我不上班，就下雨,我的车不开，我弟弟看电视（还是睡觉）。。。所以我上网。其实，我有至少一个目标：找更好的工作！哈哈。
Hmm这个entry有点乏味的。Oh well,下次我不会谈谈我sooky的事
=D
Monday, July 13, 2009
Are We Here For The Ride?
Payday tomorrow!
Half this was written a few nights ago when I was very tired, the other half last night when I was uhhhh intoxicated ... one bit in particullar was clearly written by somebody not totally sober, and I encourage you to say that part aloud at a nice speedy pace =P
***
If we're not running then we're falling cos who's running this gig?
I was wondering if we're stalling but a lifetime is big
Big enough that the little things don't matter so much
But the biggest thing's still little so there's no need to rush
And we tearing inspiration from the fabric of life
With distorted observation that we say gets us by
It's a sort of real sensation but it's sort of a lie
Like when they taught us we could make it but they never said why
Words are taking too long, give me a thousand in one!
So we trippin on vision and we wanna try
Breakin free from our prison to see what that's like
Shut our minds up and listen, our senses run wild
While you make big decisions we just here for the ride
Start with nothing end with something - something something
Start with nothing, end with something something - something somethi ...
End with something something ... something something ... someth ...
All eyes on to John, now it's begun, he starts with nothing something something
Something nothing something
Something something nothing
Nothing something nothing
Nothing nothing nothing???
[Fingersnap]
Ideal.
Maybe John has just won. But figuring that out is half the fun.
So you skippin on trippin, eager to defy
Takin life and enlistin, til there's nothing outside
Bound in materialism, force the passion to hide
But we don't rate these decisions we just here for the ride
Lyrics have limits, they can't say it all, so let's stock up on rhythm and breathe out our souls!
It's a just a means to an end but I don't believe in the end
So nothing starts with nothing finished and I won't even pretend
Pretend the answers are there, that it makes sense or it's fair
Fair enough but if you bluff it you might think that you're there
And we picking up the pieces from our own shattered minds
Reconstructing all of these in a new grandoise design
Sort of hoping it releases something that helps us find
All the pieces we were missing on those days we were blind
So we trippin on vision cos it keeps us alive
Sometimes bound in the prison where there's nothing outside
Shut our minds up and listen, forceful passionate strides
Your decisions in the backseat cos I feel like a drive
Half this was written a few nights ago when I was very tired, the other half last night when I was uhhhh intoxicated ... one bit in particullar was clearly written by somebody not totally sober, and I encourage you to say that part aloud at a nice speedy pace =P
***
If we're not running then we're falling cos who's running this gig?
I was wondering if we're stalling but a lifetime is big
Big enough that the little things don't matter so much
But the biggest thing's still little so there's no need to rush
And we tearing inspiration from the fabric of life
With distorted observation that we say gets us by
It's a sort of real sensation but it's sort of a lie
Like when they taught us we could make it but they never said why
Words are taking too long, give me a thousand in one!
So we trippin on vision and we wanna try
Breakin free from our prison to see what that's like
Shut our minds up and listen, our senses run wild
While you make big decisions we just here for the ride
Start with nothing end with something - something something
Start with nothing, end with something something - something somethi ...
End with something something ... something something ... someth ...
All eyes on to John, now it's begun, he starts with nothing something something
Something nothing something
Something something nothing
Nothing something nothing
Nothing nothing nothing???
[Fingersnap]
Ideal.
Maybe John has just won. But figuring that out is half the fun.
So you skippin on trippin, eager to defy
Takin life and enlistin, til there's nothing outside
Bound in materialism, force the passion to hide
But we don't rate these decisions we just here for the ride
Lyrics have limits, they can't say it all, so let's stock up on rhythm and breathe out our souls!
It's a just a means to an end but I don't believe in the end
So nothing starts with nothing finished and I won't even pretend
Pretend the answers are there, that it makes sense or it's fair
Fair enough but if you bluff it you might think that you're there
And we picking up the pieces from our own shattered minds
Reconstructing all of these in a new grandoise design
Sort of hoping it releases something that helps us find
All the pieces we were missing on those days we were blind
So we trippin on vision cos it keeps us alive
Sometimes bound in the prison where there's nothing outside
Shut our minds up and listen, forceful passionate strides
Your decisions in the backseat cos I feel like a drive
Thursday, July 9, 2009
What Goes Up Must Hasaam
Countdown: 183
Goal: $7500
Current Funds: $1800
$5700 to go!
Ahhh the ponderings. Car wouldn't start yesterday. Dad caved and let me drive his after ranting for a while about how I shouldn't have let the petrol go as low as I did (we've noticed it happens most when I'm lower than a quarter tank). It was very frustrating because it made me 10 mins late for work, and so I didn't have time to drink coffee. This is probably a good thing because it would have been the 8th day in a row I'd woken myself up with it, but instead had a grumpy little shift filled with withdrawal symptoms. Today it still wasn't going which cost me a coffee again, only this time it would have been coffee with Adila, so I grumble a bit more. An hour after I bailed on her I tried it again and of course it started as if nothing had ever been wrong, so I hurried to the servo and filled her up halfway. The plan now is to get her somewhere where they can help her, or at least tell me to give up hope. I'll do that Saturday, not now, because my shift starts at 5 in Endeavour Hills and I can no longer drive there - don't wanna leave now and can't assume it'll start for me later.
So I looked up some information on the good ol' metlinkmelbourne.com.au. It's gonna take me about an hour instead of half an hour to get there, but during that time, perhaps I'll read something, write some stuff down, or just get some pondering done. I'll be out in the open air, I'll have to actually walk to the station and so on, it'll be good for me, it really will. In fact, I've also decided on Saturday that I'm going to fix up that crappy bike J'Mak sold me (crappy cos I basically killed it through overuse and subsequent neglect), that'll be a project and it'll force me to be more active. What do I do with the extra half hour I save by driving to work? I'm usually online, facebooking, watching TV, never anything useful. Instead I will exercise, and save considerably on petrol money! I am hoping my car will turn out okay, because there will still be problems if it's not - wet weather is not ideal for bike riding, in fact it's downright insane, good thing today features a beautiful blue sky or I'd probably be feeling a lot bitchier about all this!
Between the bike and getting the car fixed, I may get flung back to triple digits on my savings, hopefully not filling up on petrol so much will make some difference, but this really is just even more incentive to get a real job which sees me working set hours, maybe even full-time. Or else, maybe it just means I'm ever more likely to be looking for a job rather than a good language course in China next year =P
***
Pondering helps. Activity helps. Existential quandaries? Less helpful =P
Goal: $7500
Current Funds: $1800
$5700 to go!
Ahhh the ponderings. Car wouldn't start yesterday. Dad caved and let me drive his after ranting for a while about how I shouldn't have let the petrol go as low as I did (we've noticed it happens most when I'm lower than a quarter tank). It was very frustrating because it made me 10 mins late for work, and so I didn't have time to drink coffee. This is probably a good thing because it would have been the 8th day in a row I'd woken myself up with it, but instead had a grumpy little shift filled with withdrawal symptoms. Today it still wasn't going which cost me a coffee again, only this time it would have been coffee with Adila, so I grumble a bit more. An hour after I bailed on her I tried it again and of course it started as if nothing had ever been wrong, so I hurried to the servo and filled her up halfway. The plan now is to get her somewhere where they can help her, or at least tell me to give up hope. I'll do that Saturday, not now, because my shift starts at 5 in Endeavour Hills and I can no longer drive there - don't wanna leave now and can't assume it'll start for me later.
So I looked up some information on the good ol' metlinkmelbourne.com.au. It's gonna take me about an hour instead of half an hour to get there, but during that time, perhaps I'll read something, write some stuff down, or just get some pondering done. I'll be out in the open air, I'll have to actually walk to the station and so on, it'll be good for me, it really will. In fact, I've also decided on Saturday that I'm going to fix up that crappy bike J'Mak sold me (crappy cos I basically killed it through overuse and subsequent neglect), that'll be a project and it'll force me to be more active. What do I do with the extra half hour I save by driving to work? I'm usually online, facebooking, watching TV, never anything useful. Instead I will exercise, and save considerably on petrol money! I am hoping my car will turn out okay, because there will still be problems if it's not - wet weather is not ideal for bike riding, in fact it's downright insane, good thing today features a beautiful blue sky or I'd probably be feeling a lot bitchier about all this!
Between the bike and getting the car fixed, I may get flung back to triple digits on my savings, hopefully not filling up on petrol so much will make some difference, but this really is just even more incentive to get a real job which sees me working set hours, maybe even full-time. Or else, maybe it just means I'm ever more likely to be looking for a job rather than a good language course in China next year =P
***
Pondering helps. Activity helps. Existential quandaries? Less helpful =P
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Farewell Hasaam
Countdown: 192
Goal: $7500
Current Funds: $1900
$5600 to go!
Some of that money is almost definitely going into my car. I'm not so keen about that, but Logan's dying I think. Had a nice lil nothing week, filled with silliness, from hanging out at Paul's place doing nothing special to going to Jeremy's 21st which was packed with drama students and the music played all night was almost entirely showtunes and musicals. They were all very nice people, but then, who else would Jeremy be surrounded by? He's such a genuine guy. Oh yeah and I jammed with Neo Sunday night, we practiced Rising Fighting Spirit way too many times, now we can sort of play it okay, but anything we record it on is subsequently destroyed by the higher, slightly more shrill tones Marcello produces. Apparently Neo called his guitar Zion, but he seemed less than enthusiastic about the name =P
Monica and I declared a contest to see who could serve the most annoying, stupid and/or selfish person in a 7hr shift on Friday. She was at an Optus shop in The Glen while I went to Narre Warren. Subsequently I had the best shift I have ever had in Narre Warren after 4 and a half years. I didn't even get so much as a FROWN. I even somehow fixed the horrible printer by myself, which nobody had done before (it's brand new so we'd always have to call tech support a.k.a. Rowland). Everybody was freakishly patient and relaxed no matter what happened. Instead of sooking about how the printer had taken her money and not printed her work, one woman told me "oh don't worry about it there were bound to be teething problems ... " a middle eastern lady whose only words to a coworker had been foreign swears was smiling and saying "thankyou" repeatedly to me after I served her! One guy approached me and asked, "Where's the complaints box? Nah, just kidding, this place is great I love it!" That ACTUALLY happened. It was nuts. Some of them even started going the other direction, sharing heart-warming stories about how their son won an OAM for his work helping the blind and such. It was unbelievable! And so I have decided to publicly declare what I have always in my heart known - I am the Prophet of the Irony Gods.
***
Got in touch with Kris The Awesome German, he studied in China for about 4 years I believe. I asked him about universities in China. He's recommended me a place in Yunnan. Having crunched the numbers I'm guessing to stay there for one semester would set me back around $AUS3500, so I'd bump that up to $4000 to be safe - this includes school fees, accomodation and daily expenses, but not the transport to get there/insurance/travelling after. (And of course it's dependent on the $AUS not getting any weaker or the RMB suddenly getting way too strong ...) I am going to seriously consider this as an option for next year.
Speaking of options for next year, I also mentioned to Kathryn in a bit of an offhand way that I had a desire to do volunteer work. She's also quite keen to check that place out so I might do a little asking around (i.e., Maxine who's going there at the end of this year, Monica who already has - both of whom for volunteer projects, Aunty Shoba/Eugene for some local tips and perhaps to find out if there's anybody I could say hi to over there). We've tentatively agreed to aim for January/Febuary, in which we would like to do some volunteer stuff and then wander around checking the place out.
***
Just last night I watched an Andrew Denton thing where he was interviewing people who suffered from mental illness. Within the first 5 minutes I was taken back to my high school days. These people had heard voices, saw things, suffered from bouts of paranoia and delusion, run around screaming in the street and recieved no help, loathed the side-effects of medication and many aspects of the mental health care sector. The most striking thing for most people who watched this I think, might have been how articulate and self-aware many of these people being interviewed were. These were, of course, people who'd admit that they were sick and needed some sort of help, but to somebody who hadn't given their sort a chance it would have been really eye-opening to listen to them speaking like fairly normal people who'd simply had horrible traumatic experiences, caused by a glitch in their own minds.
I felt like I'd closed my eyes and turned my back on my own experience. Yes, I sorted myself out early, it was only about a year or two that I'd been "sick" and I even managed to keep passing until Year 12 where I got decent marks, with the help of many many wonderful people. I had never become the guy in the street who mumbled about the people that watch him, but for a long time I was worried I might. My absolute number one fear has always been that I might one day end up recieving ECT - shock therapy. I broke down in school many times in Year 10 and a few in Year 11, the biggest being when I ran headfirst into a locker before homeroom and started screaming gibberish at a bully. Then there were these ridiculous rumours about the other crazy stuff I'd supposedly done that went around and gave my paranoia the perfect environment to fester in. I also began to develop theories about extra-dimensional beings who were controlling my life by writing a book about me, all the little dramas that went on were clearly for their entertainment. And I always felt so lonely, I wished I could find somebody who understood what I was going through, or that I could myself understand. Very drama, very emo, yes.
The morning I went crazy in front of everyone, the school called my therapist - they'd already had their eyes on me because the rumours had actually started a little bit before I majorly flipped out. Later I was told after the vice-principal told her what had happened, Jeanette immediately replied, "and I bet he didn't lay a finger on anybody." I found this touching, to say the least. I realised that what was going on with me could have been much worse, while I sometimes freaked out there were still times I had my whole mind, my whole awareness. It was around then I started going to Yun Yang, and I found myself becoming more and more self-aware, and learned about how to issue more self-control and assert my personality over the crazy. I learned not to blame myself for the afflictions I couldn't help, but still take responsibility and work on working with them. It took a very long time to do this properly. My own experience combined with the Buddhist teachings led me to consider many other aspects of the human experience to be "afflictions" too - for example when so-and-so is angry, that's not *who* they are, it's something that's taken over them at that point because they hadn't reached a level of understanding/control which allowed them to control it. Just like I never wanted to go crazy, I doubted people really wanted to be unpleasant for no reason, and so on.
I think as I got better and better at getting people to think of me as "Mykal that weird guy who wouldn't hurt anyone" as opposed to "that nutcase I can't understand", I started to distance myself from these past experiences. I've become less patient and more easily thrown off balance because I'm no longer angry enough to want to prove anything, and I was happy simply thinking I was not so crazy after all, instead of appreciating what that really meant to me when I was trying to convince myself of it.
My experience was really a series of near-misses, I had episodes but every story I've heard about people flipping out has been 100 times worse than mine. I'm in the middle, between the crazies I wished I could know and the normals I wished I could understand. I just got mini-episodes, I suppose. I think that any sort of mood swing that affects a person's judgement/self-control is like an even minier ep. If I can keep that in mind, I'm sure my compassion and respect for others will increase - the fact that I've forgotten this part of my past is probably the reason I've been lacking in it a bit more these days.
Goal: $7500
Current Funds: $1900
$5600 to go!
Some of that money is almost definitely going into my car. I'm not so keen about that, but Logan's dying I think. Had a nice lil nothing week, filled with silliness, from hanging out at Paul's place doing nothing special to going to Jeremy's 21st which was packed with drama students and the music played all night was almost entirely showtunes and musicals. They were all very nice people, but then, who else would Jeremy be surrounded by? He's such a genuine guy. Oh yeah and I jammed with Neo Sunday night, we practiced Rising Fighting Spirit way too many times, now we can sort of play it okay, but anything we record it on is subsequently destroyed by the higher, slightly more shrill tones Marcello produces. Apparently Neo called his guitar Zion, but he seemed less than enthusiastic about the name =P
Monica and I declared a contest to see who could serve the most annoying, stupid and/or selfish person in a 7hr shift on Friday. She was at an Optus shop in The Glen while I went to Narre Warren. Subsequently I had the best shift I have ever had in Narre Warren after 4 and a half years. I didn't even get so much as a FROWN. I even somehow fixed the horrible printer by myself, which nobody had done before (it's brand new so we'd always have to call tech support a.k.a. Rowland). Everybody was freakishly patient and relaxed no matter what happened. Instead of sooking about how the printer had taken her money and not printed her work, one woman told me "oh don't worry about it there were bound to be teething problems ... " a middle eastern lady whose only words to a coworker had been foreign swears was smiling and saying "thankyou" repeatedly to me after I served her! One guy approached me and asked, "Where's the complaints box? Nah, just kidding, this place is great I love it!" That ACTUALLY happened. It was nuts. Some of them even started going the other direction, sharing heart-warming stories about how their son won an OAM for his work helping the blind and such. It was unbelievable! And so I have decided to publicly declare what I have always in my heart known - I am the Prophet of the Irony Gods.
***
Got in touch with Kris The Awesome German, he studied in China for about 4 years I believe. I asked him about universities in China. He's recommended me a place in Yunnan. Having crunched the numbers I'm guessing to stay there for one semester would set me back around $AUS3500, so I'd bump that up to $4000 to be safe - this includes school fees, accomodation and daily expenses, but not the transport to get there/insurance/travelling after. (And of course it's dependent on the $AUS not getting any weaker or the RMB suddenly getting way too strong ...) I am going to seriously consider this as an option for next year.
Speaking of options for next year, I also mentioned to Kathryn in a bit of an offhand way that I had a desire to do volunteer work. She's also quite keen to check that place out so I might do a little asking around (i.e., Maxine who's going there at the end of this year, Monica who already has - both of whom for volunteer projects, Aunty Shoba/Eugene for some local tips and perhaps to find out if there's anybody I could say hi to over there). We've tentatively agreed to aim for January/Febuary, in which we would like to do some volunteer stuff and then wander around checking the place out.
***
Just last night I watched an Andrew Denton thing where he was interviewing people who suffered from mental illness. Within the first 5 minutes I was taken back to my high school days. These people had heard voices, saw things, suffered from bouts of paranoia and delusion, run around screaming in the street and recieved no help, loathed the side-effects of medication and many aspects of the mental health care sector. The most striking thing for most people who watched this I think, might have been how articulate and self-aware many of these people being interviewed were. These were, of course, people who'd admit that they were sick and needed some sort of help, but to somebody who hadn't given their sort a chance it would have been really eye-opening to listen to them speaking like fairly normal people who'd simply had horrible traumatic experiences, caused by a glitch in their own minds.
I felt like I'd closed my eyes and turned my back on my own experience. Yes, I sorted myself out early, it was only about a year or two that I'd been "sick" and I even managed to keep passing until Year 12 where I got decent marks, with the help of many many wonderful people. I had never become the guy in the street who mumbled about the people that watch him, but for a long time I was worried I might. My absolute number one fear has always been that I might one day end up recieving ECT - shock therapy. I broke down in school many times in Year 10 and a few in Year 11, the biggest being when I ran headfirst into a locker before homeroom and started screaming gibberish at a bully. Then there were these ridiculous rumours about the other crazy stuff I'd supposedly done that went around and gave my paranoia the perfect environment to fester in. I also began to develop theories about extra-dimensional beings who were controlling my life by writing a book about me, all the little dramas that went on were clearly for their entertainment. And I always felt so lonely, I wished I could find somebody who understood what I was going through, or that I could myself understand. Very drama, very emo, yes.
The morning I went crazy in front of everyone, the school called my therapist - they'd already had their eyes on me because the rumours had actually started a little bit before I majorly flipped out. Later I was told after the vice-principal told her what had happened, Jeanette immediately replied, "and I bet he didn't lay a finger on anybody." I found this touching, to say the least. I realised that what was going on with me could have been much worse, while I sometimes freaked out there were still times I had my whole mind, my whole awareness. It was around then I started going to Yun Yang, and I found myself becoming more and more self-aware, and learned about how to issue more self-control and assert my personality over the crazy. I learned not to blame myself for the afflictions I couldn't help, but still take responsibility and work on working with them. It took a very long time to do this properly. My own experience combined with the Buddhist teachings led me to consider many other aspects of the human experience to be "afflictions" too - for example when so-and-so is angry, that's not *who* they are, it's something that's taken over them at that point because they hadn't reached a level of understanding/control which allowed them to control it. Just like I never wanted to go crazy, I doubted people really wanted to be unpleasant for no reason, and so on.
I think as I got better and better at getting people to think of me as "Mykal that weird guy who wouldn't hurt anyone" as opposed to "that nutcase I can't understand", I started to distance myself from these past experiences. I've become less patient and more easily thrown off balance because I'm no longer angry enough to want to prove anything, and I was happy simply thinking I was not so crazy after all, instead of appreciating what that really meant to me when I was trying to convince myself of it.
My experience was really a series of near-misses, I had episodes but every story I've heard about people flipping out has been 100 times worse than mine. I'm in the middle, between the crazies I wished I could know and the normals I wished I could understand. I just got mini-episodes, I suppose. I think that any sort of mood swing that affects a person's judgement/self-control is like an even minier ep. If I can keep that in mind, I'm sure my compassion and respect for others will increase - the fact that I've forgotten this part of my past is probably the reason I've been lacking in it a bit more these days.
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