Countdown: 207
Monetary Goal: $7500
Current Funds: $1,400
$6100 to go.
It's too soon to tell whether the unnoteworthy increase in my savings is indicative of the way the rest of the year will go, I barely got any shifts last week. Got woken up in the morning to be told they want me to work 6-8pm tonight, and I said yes like a sucker. It's making me consider the second job thing a bit more strongly. Had a good 8 hours in Pakenham yesterday, they were pretty nice and odd people there. Will have to remember to bug Bobbi since I'll be in Pakky on Saturday too.
Sitting around the house doing practically nothing makes me wanna leave sooner, and in theory it wouldn't be too hard if I lined up a half decent job or something to just pay for insurance and airfare and just bail, but I think there's an important lesson for me to learn before I do anything silly like that, and as I keep saying a big part of it has to do with patience.
Been feeling a lot more detached from people these days, possibly related to the idea that getting stuck on a certain type of person slowed me down and held me back. I think this is a silly mentality, but there may be something to take from it. I shouldn't let people affect me too much - and that's not to say I've been sitting around the house crying through my eyeliner, I just haven't felt like going out or doing anything. It's like I'm waiting for something to happen ... I'm used to enough things just happening to me and never really needing to take much affirmative action. Between high school, work, uni, work, temple things, fawning over some girl, etc, there's only ever been so much in the way of gaps between for me to go out and actually live life or whatever. Now that it's all gone and it feels as if I've run out of ideas ... seems a little silly considering I'm yet to really get creative. Going overseas at this stage would be just another way of imposing some sort of structure on myself to make things happen. And yes, I'd get lots of living done too, but why should I let myself feel like there's no life to be lived here? That's just childish, narrow-minded and silly.
Drama used to be a good way of fueling some sort of passion. Fear and drama and concern for others. But I'm a little bored of drama, it just burns me out and achieves very little. Fear has done nothing but hold me back and doubt myself as well as those around me, and worrying about how to get rid of fear has also proven to be about as pointless as chasing my own tail. Experience would serve far better to give me confidence than trying to rationalise, it always has. As for worrying about other people ... I'm thinking there are better ways to go about it than the ways I do. It's hard. I think I'm doing the right thing most of the time, and it seems to work out okay at least half the time. But it's as exhausting as it is energy-boosting. All that's left is humour, and the fun stuff. I should get onto that instead of sitting around wondering about what to do with my life, I think =P
Gotta wake up ^^
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